Melodramatic Disclaimers

"What You Need To Know"


Disclaimers - Disclosures - Revelations - Divulgences - Declarations - Announcements - Reports - Admissions - Confessions

By visiting you do not explicitly or implicitly acknowledge that you have actually seen this website, nor do you explicitly or overtly claim that you can even spell villain. Go ahead and check it out ... the "a" comes before the second "i" and when you make plurals of either Hero or Villain you get even more confused as in heroes and villains. Actually, I wanted that name for this website, but it was already taken ... consarn ... not by the record label that published Brian Wilson's song ... but by a western line dancing club in of all places ... Cheltenham, Gloucestershire - England ... go figure. That's is why I purchased related (but misspelled) versions of our website domain address ... such as,, and Just make sure that you don't get a tattoo until you triple check how to spell a word.

You do not have to necessarily agree or disagree with the heroic or villainous views expressed herein. Similarly, our computer's acknowledgment of a "hit" in no way is an acknowledgment of your existence, and we in no way expressly or implicitly agree with anything you say, write, transmit, or keep to yourself except when you buy one of our great melodrama scripts or our melodrama script writing software or visit one of our affiliate sponsors. Then we do believe you exist and are very grateful for your presence on this planet

Some pages on could contain instructions or general suggestions on how to be more heroic or villainous. We do not guarantee your safety when you follow those suggestions as they could have been written by the villainous part of our team. Your life or death is not in our hands ... it is in yours so watch it, defend it and protect it carefully.

You have the right to remain silent. If you decline this right, any e-mail can and will be used to email you back with our heroic or villainous opinions, suggestions or comments. We reserve the right to remain helpful. We reserve it so well that sometimes we can't find it. We rarely use it. Don't run with scissors. Don't touch that dial. Don't date two women at once. Don't come crying to us if the world is a big mean place and everybody hates you.

Even More Disclaimer and Outright Declarations

Any resemblance between the above views and those of any hero or villain we know are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above and my own views is pure luck. This website does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog Wanda. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights are reserved. You may link to this website freely, but you may not make a profit from it if you do ... unless you send us some of it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental ... all right ... maybe not entirely coincidental ... but you get the idea. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle unless you are a villain ... then feel free to spindle as much as you dare. This website is void where prohibited or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Carpe Carp (beware of fish). Website is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity website. No shoes, no shirt, no problem. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Read at your own risk. Keep away from sunlight.

Keep away from Villains. No purchase necessary to visit website. You need not be present to win ... but if you do win ... please send me half. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Action figures come separately. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Can you dig it? Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse ... unless you are a villain ... then "you are very welcome".

For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops ... what have you been doing? Read only with proper ventilation. Keep away from open flames ... a good suggestion at all times. Do not store your computer above 200 degrees Fahrenheit. Being a Villain could be hazardous to your health ... but could also be quite fun if you don't mind popcorn, foam rocks or fake fish being thrown at you.

Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized reading, or being tied to an ant hill while a Villain robs the town's widows and orphans.

Customer adjustments not covered in this list ... that are incidents owing to a train wreck, robbed stage, scuttled ship, or other dastardly deed is simply not our fault. If your heroine is in a sinking ship taking on water, trapped on a run-away stage, in eminent danger hanging from a cliff, tied up on the railroad tracks, in risk of being chiseled, hoodwinked, or otherwise cheated by a local Villain, then hey ... what are you waiting for anyway. Who cares about falling rocks, mud slides, forest fires, shoot outs, thrown fiery projectiles, shrapnel, knives, stones, or even mackerel ... if you are a hero ... go do something about it. Save the day then sing a song. Good guys can wear black too ... but only if they are Wyatt Earp ... but that's a whole 'nother story ... don't get me started on that one.

Melodramas may settle during shipment, so it is sometimes necessary to inflate them with hot air. Use only as directed ... if you need direction just ask. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a steam locomotive. This is not an offer to sell securities ... really it is not ... regardless of what some Villain might tell you. Apply only to affected (or afflicted) areas. Do not disturb ... fine then ... go on and disturb if you must. Subject to change without notice. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Colors may, in time, fade. Coming soon to a theatre near you.

Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure of actors to perform or innate lack of talent in acting or singing. Warning: Falling rocks can be hazardous to your health ... unless they are made of foam. Actors have been briefed on some parts of the plot before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. No passes accepted for this engagement unless you are a villainess. No anchovies unless otherwise specified.

First pull up, then pull down. Stage driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this website appear for identification purposes only. Don't exit until the stage comes to a complete stop. Sold by weight, not volume. Contains 40% less sodium than regular melodramas. Shake well before use. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can be used against you in the court of law. An apple a day keeps Doc Holiday away. Don't bribe the telegraph operator.

Do not exceed recommended dosage (only one melodrama at a time or your sides may ache, and your heart go pitter pat). If stage is left parked for over 10 minutes in a no "hitching" zone ... your rig may be towed. You may have additional rights which vary from state to state (state of confusion not included). Parental guidance is irrelevant ... girls just want to have fun. Keep cool. Brought to you by the letters H and V. Portions of this website were prerecorded. If I left out anything ... let me know.

This disclaimer supersedes all previous notices ... especially this one.
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